Been Busy Lately

I have really been busy lately, I have been meaning to post, but it seems that every time I sit down to write something comes up. Last Saturday night I was going to write about my latest venture to the local Walmart, but then a situation came up. My youngest son was spending the night at my sister in laws' house and we got a call around 11:00 because he apparently forgot to bring his athsma inhaler. So, I had to drive 45 minutes to go and get him, which was not in my plans for the evening. But, it was during this drive that I started to think about all of the little unplanned adventures that life throws our way. In my life, there have been many times where I have found myself doing something where I have suddeny thought to myself "What the fuck am I doing here? How did this happen?" Situations like the time I found myself in the kitchen of a biker named Little Bob getting a tattoo, or the time I was hanging onto the back of a firetruck, wearing a civil war military uniform driving through a small town in upstate New York, I even once found myself being bullied into doing the Chicken Dance at a petting zoo. It is at times like these where you mentally stop for a second, take stock of the stiuation and realize that every decision that you have made in your life has led you directly to where you are. Something as trivial as choosing the chicken instead of the beef at a wedding could have changed everything. But there you are doing something that really was not on your lifes itinerary, for better or worse.

By the way, if you do ever find youself in a bikers kitchen getting a tattoo, it is really time to reconsider the direction your life is heading. Especially, if like me, you are not a biker. It is one of those situations where there really is very little chance of something good coming as a result of you being there. When I did this particular stunt, all I could think about was the nickname of the guy giving the tattoo. Little Bob was not little, and for all I know maybe his name wasn't even Bob. I was obsessing about his name, was it one of those ironic nicknames, like the bald guy named Curley, or was there an even bigger Bob smewhere in the world. A Bob who was a mountain of a man making the earth tremble with each step, eclipsing the sun, and making bitches like me do his bidding. I never asked Little Bob about this, while I really do not have a whole lot of experience in these matters, I would think that it really is not a good idea to get a large biker angry while he is giving you a tattoo. Actually, I cannot think of a time when it would be a good idea to get a big biker angry, but especially not when he is giving you a tattoo. The reality of the situation was that Little Bob was in fact big enough to make a little bitch like me do his bidding.

While I am on the subject of tattoos, I am facinated by the neck tattoo, specifically the people who think it is a good idea to get one. I found myself in Walmart recently, I had to get the oil changed in my wifes' car. I had some tme to kill while waiting for the car so I was just walking around the Walmart. I was struck by the amount of people walking around with poorly made tattos on their necks. Now, I am obviously not anti-tattoo, but I do think that they do need to be strategically placed. The avereage person should be able to hide their tattoos for certain situations, like weddings, job interviews, stuff like that. The people who get neck and facial tattoos really interest me. There are certian occupations where you can pul off a neck tattoo. Professional atheletes, and rock stars can get away with them, as can tattoo artists. These are the types of people who are really not going to be held back by a neck tattoo. Outside of that, there are few situations where a neck tattoo will not hold you back. When your average jerk off the street gets a home-made tattoo on their neck, they think they are saying "Fuck The World", when in reality it is the world that is going to fuck them. For the average person a neck tattoo says "I am perfectly happy with minimum wage and subsidized housing". You are now pretty much embracing the world of social service intervention and law enforcement officials knowing you on a first name basis.